I Trust My Intuition: Part I

As I reflect back on the past few months and steps that paved the way to my breast cancer diagnosis, it all seems nothing short of a miracle. The way that God walked with me through this trying time is undeniable. I didn’t need to do anything other than listen and put one foot in front of the other. I’d like to share with you how my cancer journey all unfolded.

I started the summer by joining the Princeton Music Festival, as an artist in their production of The Barber of Seville. Returning to the main stage after a few years of solely focusing on raising my kids felt like a rebirth. Music and dance is such a vital part of who I am, and this production, allowed me to do both with a fantastic team of professionals. The one and only downside to accepting this contract, was being away from my family for a few weeks. I have a very supportive husband named Chris that encouraged me to follow this opportunity to perform again, and I chose to view this separation as a chance to reconnect with myself.

During those weeks away, I used that time to reestablish a self-care routine that had long been neglected. Mornings became a sanctuary of meditation and prayer, and body activation through yoga and breath-work. These moments of self-reflection and gratitude allowed me to get out of my own head and embrace the simply joy of performing again. It’s like every fiber of my being was saying, “Welcome back!” When my family came up north to join me, and I was finally able to squeeze them again, I really felt like I was in a completely different head-space than when I first arrived. I felt an unprecedented level of presence, gratitude, and a reawakening of intuitive thinking. It was also wonderful to share my joy for performing with my kids in a way that they’d never seen before. Returning home later that summer, I continued to create time for my new morning practices; unknowingly setting the stage for what would save my life.

One week after returning home, God sent me a pretty clear sign which allowed me to put my intuitive practices to the test. I awoke earlier than usual with my finger pinching a pea-sized pebble on my chess wall. In my half-conscious wake, I got out of bed and almost instantly forgot about it. But as I hopped into shower, the early morning discovery flashed back into my memory. “Why was my hand there?” As I contemplated over that simply inward thought something struck me. “Was this a message from my inner conscious?” In the early mornings, I’ve found a consistent wellspring of intuitive clarity unraveling answers to my inquiries with a gentle certainty. Even so, the logical side of me would have been so tempting to simply dismiss it as normal occurrences. After all, I did have dense breast tissue, and known scar tissue from my previous breast reduction. Why would it be anything other than that? Intuitively, I sensed the discovery warranted deeper exploration, prompting me to arrange an appointment for reassurance. What transpired next can only be characterized as a touch of divine intervention.

Before the summer drew to a close, Chris and I took the kids for a weekend visit with my parents at the family lake house. It was here that I filled my mom in on my subconscious finding from earlier that summer. Her whole demeanor changed as she stopped me mid-sentence and asked, “Which side, did you say?” Over the past few months, long before my own personal discovery, my mom had been having a reoccurring dream she couldn’t quite make sense of. In her dream, My grandmother, Portia Cotter, was visiting her with a cryptic message. Portia urged, “Kathy, it’s on the left side! Check the left side!” My mom explained that she would wake up from this puzzling dream, thinking the message was for her. Her self-checks didn’t find anything out of the norm, so she’d go back to bed. When I confirmed that my lump was located on the left side of my chest wall, it felt like we were in an episode of the twilight zone. The synchronicity between my grandmother’s message and my own person discovery seemed hard to deny.

Looking back on how this summer unfolded all feels so surreal. Taking the time to reconnect with myself, ultimately opened my eyes to challenges that were soon to come. As I think about my mother‘s dream, I can still feel my grandmother’s love from beyond. During her lifetime, she was both a musician and a breast cancer survivor. Even though she passed away 4 years ago, she is still walking with me as I navigate this challenge. God already paved the path. All I’ve done is listened, and put one foot in front of the other.